The Top Reasons Why Silent Hill 2 Sucks

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1. Lack of Multiplayer – I know this game was released when online multiplayer wasn’t common; but that’s really not an excuse for a lack of offline co-op. Multiplayer makes everything better. It wouldn’t have been hard to add a mode where we can fight it out as the characters involved. Angela vs. Eddie! James vs. Maria! Pyramid Head vs. Mannequins! It’d be like a really twisted fighting game. The fighting-horror genre is criminally barren. Team Silent should have corrected that injustice.

Get over it, dude. You're acting like a bitch.

2. James is a Crybaby – So what if his wife died of a hideous disease? That’s no reason for James Sunderland to be the massive emo loser he is. He really needs to just get over the past, throw on a hot outfit, and hit some nightclubs. I mean, even if he’s in Silent Hill, he can still party at the Heaven’s Night strip joint. It’s not like he has a ball-and-chain to nag him about it.

3. The Plot is Annoying and Complicated – UGH. This game is so agitating to play. I’ll be walking around beating monsters with a steel pipe when, all of a sudden, they dump this story crap on me. Since when do games care about story? It’s disruptive and, worse yet, pretentious. Just let me kill monsters in peace, okay? It’s not like anyone cares about these stupid video game characters anyway.

4. It Should Be a FPS – And speaking of killing monsters, why isn’t this game a FPS? And why don’t I have a bazooka? Really. These fixed camera angles may be cinematic; but they’re getting in the way of me satisfying my insatiable bloodlust.

5. Needs More Rape – Just one rape scene? If there’s a monster raping things, I want it to do so often. I feel cheated! Some idiots say that Pyramid Head constantly raping things would disrupt the story of Silent Hill 2. We’re they’re dead wrong. This game should have been like RapeLay and implemented the act as a main gameplay feature. Anyone who disagrees is a complete moron.

Why isn't this in the game?

6. Lack of Bonus Costumes – I completed this game … but I still felt the need to bash in the brains of monster. So, I restarted it and found, to my shock, that there weren’t alternate costumes for the characters. I want a loli-type dress for Angela. I want James in all leather and wearing sunglasses. Pyramid Head should have a neko mode we can activate. MEOW. If Silent Hill 3 gets Sailor Moon Heather, why not do something equally fun for Silent Hill 2?

7. You Should Be Allowed to Sleep Around and Beat Money Out of Your Lay – Health packs in Silent Hill 2 are hard to find. So, they should have solved this by allowing us to screw some of the characters around us and give us the option of bludgeoning the person’s face in once we’re finished poinking. The resulting kill should drop bullets, special weapons, healthkits … By god, we’ve earned it! Have you SEEN the women wondering the town? Butterfaces.

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About Vira Gunn

I'm the co-owner of Nerd Vice. I like to write things and occasionally I record a show called "The Third Chair." I'm also the Media Manager for Projector Games. I'm a 24 year old woman from New Jersey. I love fashion and girly stuff. I consider "Super Mario Bros. 3" to be the perfect game, though "Silent Hill 2" is my personal favorite.