A Chris X Movie Review - Dylan Dog: The Dead Of Night

What is this? I’m reviewing something that’s not a comic? Before Vira and Goose show up to beat me and send me back to my corner to read my comics, let me assure you that this movie is comic related.  Of course it’s a comic you’ve never heard of, but stick with me. There’s a reason you’ve never heard of the movie either. So I present to you my review of Dylan Dog: Dead of Night.

Superman is back and he's taken a turn for the emo.

I’d heard this was a comic book movie, but I wasn’t exactly sure of what. It turns out that Dylan Dog is the best selling comic book in Italy (they’ll make a movie off that but not make a freaking Green Arrow movie?!?!), akin to a sort of John Constantine type character.  He’s an investigator that delves into the supernatural and what not. I went into this movie giving it the benefit of the doubt. I ignored it being the biggest box office bomb in quite some time AND Vira’s insane ranting about the trailer. After watching it, I remembered why I should listen to her more often.

The acting in this movie was horrific. Brandon Routh has all the acting skill of a jar of pickles; but even worse than the former Man of Steel, was the female lead, Anita Briem, famous for being in The Tudors and a supporting character in one episode of Doctor Who. Saying she had a cardboard acting performance would be an insult to boxes across this country. Rounding out the cast are that kid from Jungle2Jungle as Dylan’s undead sidekick, WWE star Kurt Angle as a werewolf, and Peter Stormare (for a total of two scenes.) Also, Taye Diggs was in this movie. What in the hell is Taye Diggs doing in this?! He’s a good actor that was in one of my favorite movies EVER. He didn’t need to be in this!

Moving on from the “actors” that make up the cast, there’s the plot…if you could call it that. There’s some magic silver thing that will give the possessor some power and the werewolves, vampires, and other baddies are fighting for it and only Dylan Dog can stop it? Or something? I actually stopped paying attention and, instead, began to count the horror/action movie clichés. I shall list them below:

  1. A token comic relief sidekick. I have to give it to the Jungle2Jungle guy though. He was really trying to save this movie.
  2. The main character has a “dark past,” in which he lost his true love to evil creatures of the night told entirely in flashback.
  3. The female lead first being portrayed as meek and weak, then suddenly turning into a Buffy the Vampire Slayer-wannabe-kill-everything-badass towards the end.
  4. A slow-mo shooting scene.
  5. An obligatory shirtless scene for the male lead to provide eye candy.
  6. Inner monologue from main character. With Brandon Routh attempting his best Batman, it was beyond painful.
  7. That one overused and sometimes varied line: “All that stuff you were scared of living in your closet? It was real.”
  8. The random “colon extra title” bit in the title. It being in the dead of night had nothing to with “plot”. Did Dylan Dog just seem too plain? They could have called it “Brandon Routh Tries to Gain Fame: Part 2” It would have made more sense.

To give this movie just a little bit of credit ­ (and I do mean very little), it was filmed in New Orleans; which indeed is a good setting for a horror-detective story. It’s just too bad that they couldn’t build a better movie to live up to the amazing city that it was filmed in.  Also, I have to add in that the Italians were not a fan of this. While the comic Dylan Dog uses horror to talk about society’s problems, the movie was a standard super-clichéd action thriller with a one note actor cast into the lead.

Do not see this movie. It is terrible - and it’s not terrible in that “so bad it’s kind of good” way or that “it’s so bad it’s funny.” It’s just 100% god awful. I regret the dollar I lost renting it from Redbox. Instead, go check out Go, the movie that made me respect Taye Diggs as an actor. It was a billion times better than this excuse for a movie.

If you've never listened to me about anything, do it now. See this movie.

ChrisX (44 Posts)

Host of Dead & Gone, passing final judgement on cancelled TV shows. 1/3 of Pants: Optional podcast. Comic reviewer. World's greatest Whovian. Back To the Future obsessive. Nursing student. Be awesome and follow me on twitter and subscribe on youtube by clicking these awesome buttons below!

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